We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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