So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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