just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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