I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
