I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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