Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
