Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
