I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
