You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I need water and some morals
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
