peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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