apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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