I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
