the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
