I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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