I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
