and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
