i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
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