the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
