i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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