so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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