she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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