i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
