singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
