I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
