Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
