the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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