I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
