I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
