There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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