I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
