i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
