too bad you live with your parents still
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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