so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
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Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
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She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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