Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
