Princesses don't give blow jobs
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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