Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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