Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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