it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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