Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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