i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
