I think I won the penis lottery.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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