The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's official drugs can't kill me
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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