so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
