At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
