I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
