I can tuck mytits in my pants
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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