Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
