I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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