walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
