Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
