Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
