Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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