Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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