Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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