uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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