Only a mothe r could love this liver
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
