i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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