there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
