I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
