I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
