How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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