you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
