i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
