drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
