I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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