Will you blow on my dice?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
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