We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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