Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
