Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
