Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize