apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
